I'm Fired


What I am about to say, I say without shame. Cast your judgements if you must, but I can not deny it. I LOVE reality shows. I do, I can't help it. Not the ones about Housewives who have WAY too much time on their hands or the Bachelor. Those are completely stupid. Top Chef, Shark Tank, Chopped, America's Next Great Restaurant, Biggest Loser...I love them. I also like The Apprentice.

Thanks to hulu I can watch them while I fold laundry at night or clean the house during the kid's nap. The other night I was watching The Apprentice and thinking to myself "If they gave me that task, I would completely get fired." Later that night I was having trouble going to sleep. So, I whittled the time away laying in bed and thinking about the jobs I would most likely get fired from. Most of these on my first day.

1. Waitress. I would be a horrible waitress. I'd be the one who stops to chat at the tables and forgets the other people at my other tables. My trays would spill regularly because balance isn't my strong suit. I hate to admit this, but I know that I would zone out when people tell me their orders. I'd probably be thinking about something else, get back to the kitchen and realize I don't remember what they said. So, I would just end up sitting back down at the table of friendly elderly people and avoid my other tables again.

2. Engineer. Any kind of engineer. Not only does my mind refuse to work in this way or at this capacity, whatever I worked on would be a safety hazard. If I designed anything, national security levels would be elevated. My planes would crash, my bridges would collapse and my computers would explode in people's faces. I would in fact, destroy America.

3. Personal Trainer. Ha! I can't even get my mind around this one. Not only do I not work out regularly, I haven't a clue how to use the equipment. I'd get a cute outfit , wear a whistle around my neck and drink lots of water. Thats about it. People would be bench-pressing treadmills if I were in charge. I would be useless at spotting while people did weight training because I am a weakling and can barely pick up the bar. This means smashed faces and ambulance rides. I don't see that working in my favor.

4. Weatherman. Yes, I am a woman, but "weatherwoman" sounds stupid so I am saying "weatherman". It looks like a fun job and I could bob my hair and put on a blazer...that's a good look for anyone. I just have a feeling that I wouldn't figure out how to point to the right place when it's just a green screen behind me. I'd point north instead of south on a accident. Then people in the north would think tornadoes were headed for them & take cover for no reason. People in the south would think they were clear of storms and get swept away when they went out for coffee...It's not a good idea.

5. Archeologist. I wear contacts so this is automatically out. Too much dust floating around. Plus, I don't think I would have the patience. I'd just yank things out of the ground instead of slowly brushing the dirt away. It would just be too slow paced. The one exception is if I did it Indiana Jones style. He was a professor (which I think I would be good at) that went on fun archeological adventures...and I don't think Nazis can get in your contacts...

I did eventually fall asleep...