Afraid of the Dark
What if I stay single? What if I'm dying and I don't know it? What if I'm 50 and still broke? I just know that I'm going to be fired from work even though I give it my all. Could this weird headache be a brain tumor? My friends will probably all get bored of me. How am I going to cope with being abandoned again? I'm sure my spouse will leave me for someone else. Oh my gosh, I can't breathe. That will hurt so bad...
Zap. Drained. Not only that but a tight paralyzing fear is coating everything. Is this stress or a heart attack? It could be a heart attack. I better google the symptoms of a heart attack...
And there we are. No wonder we are dry. In a single day we have remained single forever, died, carried the burden of a lifetime of poverty, become unemployed, fought cancer, been abandoned and betrayed, and given ourselves a heart problem.
We crash exhausted onto our beds. Only to wake up to the dread that today may be the day the horrible earthquake that destroys the west coast happens. I should probably spend most of the days outdoors, or near a doorway. Okay, that may be a bit exaggerated. You get the point.
I, you, we get on a roller coaster of fear & dread. We cannot get off. It owns us. We don't tell people because we know it is stupid. But, our minds grow more fatigued every day. Then we are dull. We have no capacity for hope. No capacity for Kingdom. No capacity for dreaming into tomorrow. Certainly no capacity for others. How can a widow who is unemployed and has been the victim of a brutal physical attack have time for anything else other than survival.
I want more of God in my life & I know that if I keep investing in fear, that will be my greatest return. I don't want an inheritance of panic, dread, hopelessness. I want peace, joy and rest. I'm asking God to fix my mind and the way I think. What I dwell on is what I am becoming. The world is worried. When I listen to the world, I get worried. When I listen to God I get rest.
"Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do your best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling gracious - the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse...
Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into His most excellent harmonies." - Philippians 4:7-9 ( the Message )