How To...Make People Feel Awkward
My past few posts have been fairly serious in nature, so I decided it is time for a little bit of fun. Few things in life are as fun as awkward situations. Everyone likes awkward. Maybe it is cruel, but it is fun to do things to purposefully create uncomfortable moments. So, I decided to pull a few of my personal experiences into this post on How To...Make People Feel Awkward.
1. Stare at someone wide-eyed and your mouth slightly opened. You know the look. The one people get when they have had a bad facelift. This makes any conversation or situation instantly awkward.
2. Run around an apartment complex frantically with your arms in the air and screaming, " The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming!" Yep. Did that.
3. When someone of the opposite gender comes over to talk to you, smile at them. After a few sentences of conversation start acting fidgety. Then act really embarrassed. Say, "Oh gosh this is so awkward. I really thought you were coming over here to ask me out." What was a normal conversation before just got really awkward.
4. Put your clothes on backwards. Throw on an old school baseball cap. Then really loudly sing the early 90s hit ..."Kris Kross make you Jump! Jump!..." Naturally you need to jump enthusiastically to the tune. Oh, and you should do it on the porch at the Fiji House. Frat guys + Awkward = Awesome. Then walk away without any explanation.
5. This is a classic. One night my freshman year at college I was bored. It was the night several fraternities were having formals, so the whole town of Waco was littered with girls in fancy dresses. My friend Brittany and I decided we didn't want to miss out on all the fun. So we put on our formals and loaded on the makeup. Then we went to various restaurants & coffee shops around Waco. The routine was the same wherever we went.
We would go to the hostess stand and check in that we needed a table for four. Then we would stand the most crowded area where people could see and hear us. We started off acting giddy and saying things like "Oh, my gosh! He is SO hot. I can't believe he asked me out." Pretty much being overly enthusiastic about these boys we were meeting & painting ourselves as a bit nerdy in the process. Then after minutes of checking our phones we would begin to say..." They are really late. I wonder why they aren't calling...Where are they...Has he called you?" Then we would loudly ask the hostess if anyone had the restaurant to leave a message that they are running late. People around us would start to get really interested in our predicament. We optimistically kept waiting for these crushes of ours.
Now it was starting to get really uncomfortable for the people around us. We would pretend to call them on our phones. No answer. Eventually either Brittany or I would throw out the idea that perhaps we had been stood up. "Surely they wouldn't...would they?...How could they just leave us here?..." Now people were really into what was happening. Their faces were so concerned for us. These poor little freshman girls. All dressed up and then stood up by some cruel guys...Finally we pretended to admit defeat and shamefully leave the restaurant. You could tell that the restaurant patrons wanted to say something sweet and encouraging, but that would mean admitting that they had been eavesdropping.
We did it in several different locations and the result was creating the most awkward 15 minutes for people in restaurant waiting areas as possible. It was fantastic.
Well, I could go on and on. I hope you enjoyed a peak into the things I have done in search of the perfect awkward moment...And clearly it goes without saying. You all wish you had been friends with me in college.