To The Children I Do Not Yet Have

Another post for Mother's Day week...

Source: Pinterest
I have four children. Two are sleeping (well, supposed to be sleeping) right down the hall from me as I type. The other two are just a few hours away from waking up. They live in Uganda. We have been in the process of adopting for over 2 years. We have not been matched with the specific children yet, but know that we will get one boy & one girl. My son is named Ford & my daughter is named Etta. I think of them on Mother's Day eve...

To The Children I Do Not Yet Have,
When you wake up in the morning, in just a few short hours, you won't know I shed tears for you tonight. While you dreamt, I imagined your sweet & peaceful faces. Faces I long for.

You don't know it yet, but you aren't an orphan. You have been sought after, chosen, fought for. You have had 5  billion forms filed on your behalf. I don't know if you are 6 months old or two years old. I don't know the events of your birth, or what happened to your biological mom. 

If you are a fussy kid, don't worry, I will hold you as much as you need. If you are cheerful as a lark, then we can spend hours laughing together. I don't care what your personality is. Shy, outgoing, funny or somber. I just want to be with you.

I don't know what makes you scared. Whatever it is, I will keep you safe from it.
I don't know who loves you most. Whoever it is, I will love you more than they do.
I don't know what makes you special. I do know that you will be cherished regardless.
Perhaps you have never been the favorite. You are my favorite.

I wish I could wake you up in the morning and tell you how you are the best Mother's Day present in the world. How nothing makes me happier than a smile from you.

I want you to know that you aren't overlooked or forgotten. No matter how tiring this journey has been at times, your mom will never give up on you. You are mine. 

I want you to know that you have other siblings. That you belong to a family. That you are a Griffin.  If you are lonely today, know that my arms ache to hold you. 

Someday you will go off to Kindergarten & I will cry. Cry for happiness that I have the privilege of watching you grow. 

I have to warn you about me. I will kiss your cheeks so often it annoys you. I will make you eat your veggies. I will read you books from the library and then forget to return them. I will pray for you every day. When you start making artwork & crafts, I will turn into a hoarder ( how can I throw away something you made?). I'll sing you to sleep loudly even though my voice isn't particularly lovely. I have been known to get overly emotional at Hallmark commercials. I will pin 1,000 fantastic projects on Pinterest that I will never do. I will make mistakes. But not you. You would never be a mistake. I'd choose you again every day.

I wish you knew. I wish you knew how many people have given their own money to help pay for your adoption. How many people pray for you. I wish you knew how many people care. 

Your mom & dad love you very much. Your sister Sophie talks about you almost every day. She can't wait to meet you. Your brother Tait, well, you will love him too. He plays drums like dad...hope you don't mind loud noises.

I dream for you. I ache for you. I carry you in the deepest places. I love you. 

From a heart that will never let you go,

Your Mom