The Pain of Subtraction

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Well, shoot. This Uncomfortable January post was painful. It kind of goes against everything I stand for. Dependability, having a huge capacity, being a game-day player and making it all work with effortless charm. Well, maybe those aren't exactly things I stand for. Just things I strive for.

Strive. Yep, there it is. I've been striving these past few years. I just hate to say 'no'. I wish it was because I was a kind soul who hates to hurt people's feelings by telling them 'no'. But, it isn't that. I hate to say 'no' because I don't like admitting I can't do something. So, I keep my schedule full and stretch myself to fit everything in.

But, this is January. So, I gave it a try.

  • No, I can't keep doing the writing job I've done for the past year. I just can't. It keeps me up late at nights trying to get it done by the deadline each month. I just can't keep doing it anymore.
  • No, I have to cancel the playdate. If I go to the park after school then I won't have time to make dinner. Yea, it would already be taken care of if I had used the crock pot or stocked my freezer with meals I've cooked ahead of time. But, I don't do that. I always forget.
  • No, I can't be at the meeting anymore. All the other moms can seem to swing it and make it work. I just can't. Mostly because they take up the most peaceful morning I have with my kids. Yep, that means I won't be as high-profile as I'd like. Yep, I will have to forfeit some of my opportunity to shape the conversation. But, I just don't want to. I miss my time. I guess I can't run on empty after all.

I'm kind of freaked out by this process of taking things off my plate. It feels eerily strange. What if it all moves smoothly without me? What if no one really notices I've stopped? What if all this stuff wasn't ever productive in the first place?

Well, here's to you Uncomfortable January. I guess we will soon find out.