dreaming without fear

An Uncomfrotable January2

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I took a British literature class in college & I learned two things that year. First, it is great to have your best friend be the teachers assistant and the one grading your papers. I would get funny inside jokes back with very lenient grading on all my grammar mistakes.

Second thing I learned was that everyone has a tragic flaw. That one thing that seems to haunt them and somehow foreshadow their impending downfall. Othello had his jealousy. Faustus had his ambition. Juliet had her loyalty to Romeo.

I'll tell you my tragic flaw. But first, I must tell you about one of my greatest strengths. I am a dreamer. I can think and envision the future tirelessly. The endless options of what could be done to solve a problem or create something new. My imagination is my strength and my greatest weakness.

Now, for that tragic flaw. My dreaming, when done with fear, can turn into vain imagination. I dream all the bad bits, the scary outcomes and tragic endings that could occur. Fear turns rational people into ridiculous, manic responders. Myself included.

If I begin to notice one of my children is shy, I immediately research every sign of autism spectrum disorders to rule out anything serious. If I imagine what it would be like to risk in a new venture, I balance it with thinking how disappointed I would be if it didn't work out. The excitement of climbing high is paralleled with the fear of falling far.

I dream with fear. I let it rule and create alleys in my thinking. Places where monsters and worst-case scenario's lurk. I say it is being wise, but really it is being worried. Wisdom and fear should never be confused.

Today for Uncomfortable January, I am setting aside time to dream. Dream God's dreams for my life, my family & my future. It will be uncomfortable at first to dream my "Plan A"s without plotting out "Plan B" in case "Plan A" crashes and burns. It will feel risky & vulnerable. However, over time I will teach myself to dream and trust God that He will put the right nets in place. I will live the life of risking , knowing that He can catch whatever falls.

I will dream without fear. I will kill my tragic flaw before it kills me.