Size Is Not Significance
This morning I looked all all the shrinkage and chose to believe it was still good...
Four years ago, I walked away from a space that was successful. The platform was tens of thousands and it was going places. I felt important when my inbox was flooded with affirming comments. I was someone...these people all said so.
But then I set it down. Well, no. That isn't really what happened. I dropped it and couldn't ever find hands to pick it up again. I walked through a dark place with anxiety that dominated and deconstructed my life. I got better but life kept going on and I couldn't ever quite find the time and capacity to pick up the shattered pieces of the things I'd dropped and glue them back together again.
When I had my stroke this spring, so many things came into perspective. Life felt simpler. Clearer. And I realized how much I missed this space. How much I missed you.
You know why it's so scary to get back up and try this again? Because where I left off, others have far surpassed me. I know you know what that is like - you don't like to admit it but you do. When you feel passed by and wonder what the point is in finishing a race when you are already so behind.
Culture says size is significance. The size of your house, your bank account, your business, your GPA, your platform...the bigger the better.
This morning I took a long hard look at how much my platform has shrunk. Which is not something I should admit. I should make it seem like things are growing and bustling...but that's not what our relationship is about. It isn't about image or impressive spins on things.
This space is about us. You and me. The ups, downs and all-arounds that we are on. Sometimes we surge ahead and other times we fall behind. But we are in this together. Cheering each other on and reminding ourselves in the process that these things we carry are not what makes us matter.
Teach the kids in the class.
File the paperwork that feels trivial.
Love the stranger that will never know your name.
Fall in love with the same person over and over instead of chasing new and shiny love affairs.
We may not look impressive or fancy. No one may be pounding down our doors for us to endorse anything. But we don't care.
We are back at this. Back and better than ever because we are owning the ground our feet are currently standing on and choosing to say its good.
I am back at blogging, writing biweekly(isn) email newsletters. I'm not selling you anything fancy or making big promises. Just extending a hand saying I think your race matters.
Finishing first isn't nearly as important as finishing. So cheers to us as we get back at it. Not pursing the hustle as much as the holy. The things we were made to do rather than the things we think we need to do in order to matter.
I see you. You matter. No shame in small moments. I think you are legendary right where you are.